How to Stop Sexism From Ruining Your Kids

If you consider yourself a progressive parent, you’ve probably been riding the gender-neutrality train for a while, making a concentrated effort to let your boys and girls be … well, whatever it is they want to be.
For everyone else, the rise of headline-grabbing movements like the Women’s March and #MeToo has made discussions around sexism, and the effect it can have on their children’s future, part of the broader parenting zeitgeist. Which is a good thing: Research has shown that children raised in egalitarian households are less aware of gender stereotyping at age 4 than kids whose parents endorse more traditional gender roles.
By now, parents of all stripes pretty much know that old-school fairy-tales and video games can breed gender bias. But there is still much more moms and dads can do to keep their children from picking up on the social cues that lead to gender inequalities. Here, salient advice for raising kids who will push back against sexism, at any age.

THE EARLIEST YEARS: BIRTH TO AGE 2

What’s Happening: Babies’ brains are sponges, but not haphazard ones. Little minds rely on select experiences to fine-tune their social navigation. “Even before infants are able to physically mimic behaviors, areas of their brain are ‘rehearsing’ and mimicking behaviors they observe,” says Dr. Laura Jana, a pediatrician and the author of “The Toddler Brain. “Social interaction between babies and caring, responsive adults — most often their parents — influences the connecting of neurons in the developing brain.”
What You Can Do: For starters, keep you baby registry gender neutral. Otherwise you’re pretty much encouraging stereotypes right out of the womb. That’s not to say that dressing your daughter in a pink romper dooms her as a future feminist, but a playroom full of kitchen sets and dolls does send a certain message. Even subtle behaviors can impact your child’s future interests and actions. “Avoid defaulting to stereotypical gender-specific praise and descriptions,” Jana says. For instance, girls shouldn’t always be “pretty” and “sweet,” and boys don’t get to be “brave” and “strong” by default; by the time babies reach their first birthday, they’re already paying attention to these kinds of loaded words.  

THE PRESCHOOL YEARS: AGES 2 TO 4

What’s Happening: Toddlers have been shown to demonstrate a preference for their own gender. They also tend to attribute more positive qualities to kids of the same gender and more negative traits to those of the other gender. “Figuring out categories is as fundamental as you can get in terms of cognitive processes,” says Lise Eliot, a professor of neuroscience at Rosalind Franklin University and the author of “Pink Brain, Blue Brain.” “It helps organize your experiences if things are similar, or not.”
What You Can Do: Be mindful of gender bias come bedtime. Almost 60 percent of main characters in children’s storybooks are male (or male animals), according to a 2011 study in the journal Gender & Society. “Female underrepresentation in children’s books may contribute to a sense of importance and wide-ranging possibilities among boys, and consequently, a sense of unimportance and more limited possibilities among girls,” says study author Janice McCabe, an associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College.
Even well-meaning moms and dads may be desensitized to the over-dominance of male characters, especially if they are reading to a boy. In wanting their child to relate to the story, parents often don’t realize there’s a lack of female characters. “Discuss the absence of female characters with children as young as 2,” says McCabe. “By doing so, the inequality will not remain invisible, and you’ll also encourage critical thinking and media literacy.”
The prevalence of male-centered storytelling could be driven by the notion that girls are interested in boy things, but boys aren’t interested in girl things — and that’s unfortunate. “Parents are afraid [boys] will lose something by being associated with girls so it’s not as OK for boys to read books about girls, as opposed to the other way around,” says Eliot.
But that ultimatum is simply not true. Instead, try expanding your narratives. NationSwell’s suggestions: Interstellar Cinderella,” about a futuristic heroine who prefers a wrench to a tiara; Little Feminist,” a mini board-book series depicting notable femmes like Frida Kahlo and Rosa Parks; “Made by Raffi,” a tale of a shy, but ingenious boy whose knitting skills save the day; and Clive and His Babies,” which tells the story of a boy and his two dolls (Clive’s adventures continue in a series of books about his bags, hats and art).

One study has shown that almost 60 percent of central characters in children’s books are male. As such, experts recommend being mindful when it comes to gender bias during story time.

THE GRADE-SCHOOL YEARS: AGES 5 TO 12

What’s Happening: While gender stereotyping seems to peak between ages 5 and 6, just two years later ideas regarding gender roles become less rigid. That’s because at this age, youngsters tend to process information on a case-by-case basis, instead of the overarching group stereotype honed in their preschool years. By the time a child is 7, she or he realizes that femininity and masculinity are not hard rules assigned by gender.
What You Can Do: Step it up as a role model. “Children in this age group are much more focused on their own world — their family and their parents’ ideas — than the external world,” says Richard Horowitz, a parenting and family coach in Palm Harbor, Fla. “It is crucial to shape views and attitudes during the elementary years.”
But you can’t reinforce gender-agnostic values part-time. Take each parent’s job, for example. No matter if one folds laundry at home while the other trades stocks from a fancy corner office, treating each path with dignity ensures your kids won’t think one is more important than the other. When alternate opinions and media try to interfere, back up your assertions: While watching TV together, for instance, call out blatant sexist jokes (network sitcoms like “Modern Family,” “2 Broke Girls” and “The Big Bang Theory” are all guilty). “If kids can’t talk about stereotypes with their parents,” Horowitz says, “then they are more likely to be manipulated by mass culture.”

THE TEENAGE YEARS: AGES 13 TO 17

What’s Happening: The hormone soup is brewing, and it’s contributing to more than just teens slamming their bedroom doors and yelling, “Leave me alone!” Puberty is also a time when the feel-good oxytocin shoots up. This hormone boosts your kids’ proclivity for social bonding and cements positive memories from social interactions.
What You Can Do: Encourage the socialization that teenagers crave, including their interest in the opposite sex. “Chauvinism begins with [gender] segregation,” says Eliot. “Each group starts objectifying the opposite gender and that’s where stereotypes come into play.” What’s more, when a boy doesn’t see girls in charge — whether that’s as the female president of his civics club or the de facto leader of his social group — he is more likely to balk at female leadership as an adult. Says Eliot, “If boys don’t have this experience, a female leader just ‘doesn’t feel right’ to them.”

Why America Must Remember Its Lynching Past, The Compassionate Nonagenarian Who Knits Hats for Those on the Streets and More


The Legacy of Lynching, on Death Row, The New Yorker

Bryan Stevenson, one of the foremost civil rights lawyers of our time and founder of the Equal Justice Initiative, sees a link between wrongful convictions, today’s police shootings of young black men and the nation’s barbarous history of lynching. To honor the 4,000 African Americans killed in the former Confederate states, Stevenson plans to build a $20 million memorial in Montgomery, Ala., on the site of a former public housing complex.
Man, 91, in hospice care knits hats for the homeless, WXMI
For the last 15 years, Morrie Boogart, a 91-year-old in Grandville, Mich., has knit hats for the homeless. Using donated yarn, Boogart has made at least 8,000 caps to keep the homeless warm during the winter. Confined to bedrest from skin cancer and a mass on his kidney, he’s spending his last days in admirable service to others.
Yes, Queens, The Ringer
When one thinks of podcasts, the image of a bespectacled white man, like “This American Life”’s Ira Glass, probably comes to mind. The seriously irreverent, wildly popular weekly podcast “2 Dope Queens,” hosted by Jessica Williams, formerly of “The Daily Show,” and Phoebe Robinson, a standup comedian, opens the medium to a new type of host. Racism, sexism and politics, as seen from a black woman’s perspective, are all carefully discussed, and somehow hilarity ensues.
MORE: Why Sleeping in a Former Slave’s Home Will Make You Rethink Race Relations in America

These Kids Studied 600 Lego Sets and Found Something Very Unsettling

In 1981, Lego put out an iconic advertisement of a little girl proudly holding a creation made of red, blue, green, yellow bricks. Back in those days, Legos weren’t just for boys — they were for all children.
But look down the aisles at any toy store and you’ll immediately see that many toys (not just Legos) are gender-specific. When it comes to the plastic blocks, the kits geared towards boys consist of secret agents, dragons, spaceships and robots. For girls, there are the Lego Friends sets complete with butterflies, pool parties, beauty parlors, and pinks and purples.
And perhaps as a result of the gender discrepancy, these blocks are no longer clicking with all children.
MORE: Playing with Purpose: Toys That Encourage Girl Power
As the Human Rights Campaign reports, fourth and fifth grade students at Shorewood Hills Elementary in Madison, Wisconsin, studied 600 Lego sets and came up with some problematic stats. The findings are published on their site WhatItIsIsBeautiful.com (cleverly named after that 1981 ad).
The student researchers analyzed Lego beings and found that there were more robots, aliens and animals combined than there were girl figures. (The breakdown: 75 percent boys, 12 percent girls, 8 percent robots and aliens, 5 percent animals.)
Additionally, they also discovered that of 406 human Lego figures, an overwhelming majority — 94 percent — represented European cultures.
In a series of poignant letters, the youngsters wrote to the Danish brand, pleading for more gender and cultural diversity. One student asked the company, “First of all, why do almost all the girls in Lego have to be baking and suntanning? I love to bake, but it’s not like I cannot do rock climbing or snowboarding.”
ALSO: These Women Invented a Toy That Truly Includes Every Child
Another student wrote, “I think you should stop assuming that boys like blowing stuff up and girls like pink. I’m a boy and, personally I like pink. I think you should remove the whole Lego friends thing and make more girl figures. Maybe you could also add some African American Lego people.”
Remarkably, Lego spokesperson Steve Clines actually wrote back, acknowledging all the students’ criticisms (Read his response here).
“It’s true we currently have more male than female minifigures in our assortment. We completely agree that we need to be careful about the roles our female figures play — we need to make sure they’re part of the action and have exciting adventures, and aren’t just waiting to be rescued.”
He added that Lego is having “many conversations” about the concerns the students have raised and their comments will be shared with the Marketing and Development teams.
“After all,” Clines says, “we want to inspire and develop the builders of tomorrow: that means both boys and girls, everywhere in the world!”
Sounds like these kids are literally the building blocks of change.
DON’T MISS: These Girls Had Little Chance of Becoming Scientists, Until They Connected With an Innovator Who’s Improving Their Odds

Playing with Purpose: Toys That Encourage Girl Power

If you want children to change the world, it makes good sense to plant inspiration in something they’re already familiar with: toys.
That’s the strategy new company IAmElemental is taking with a series of action figure toys for girls. Their debut set, which just completed a successful Kickstarter fundraising round, is centered around courage. Each of the action figures within the collection embraces a different aspect of courage, such as bravery, industry and persistence, among others. IAmElemental takes it a step further by assigning each toy an “element” logo from a courage-themed periodic table.
“Our mission is to create toys for play experiences that allow girls to envision themselves as strong, powerful and connected beings at the center of a story of their own making,” write co-founders Julie Kerwin and Dawn Nadeau on their site. “We believe that when we tap into the power that exists inside us all, the extraordinary is always possible.”
The two mothers decided to launch IAmElemental after years of being disappointed by the toy options that lined store shelves, where action heroes and trucks are often reserved for boys, while girls can choose from Barbies and miniature kitchen sets. And they’re certainly not alone: both critics and parents alike have spoken out against sexism in toys, and the manner in which toys are marketed to boys and girls. And while each toy has a character trait assigned to it, Kerwin and Nadeau hope that kids will ultimately create their own superhero storyline to go with each product, and that the toys serve as a launching pad for young children to create their own change in the world.
Kerwin and Nadeau created IAmElemental to fill a void of inspirational action figure toys for girls, but they don’t want their toys to be exclusive to young women. The company is encouraging young girls and boys to submit pictures of themselves holding signs of their own elemental power as a way to spread heroic stories and foster a sense of community around like-minded young children.
Young superheroes can share their pictures and stories here.