When It Comes to Offering Support, Moms Knows Best

Ever try sitting through a business meeting about to retch with morning sickness?

While raising a child is tremendously rewarding, doing so often requires enormous professional sacrifice on the part of moms. Mothers & More, a national network of 3,000 moms united across 60 local chapters and virtual communities, has been connecting mothers to share friendship, parenting advice and support when leaving or reentering their jobs. The group is centered around three tenets: that the work mothers do — paid or not — has real value, that mothers should be able to fulfill their responsibilities as caregivers without social or economic penalties and that each mom should be able to choose how she wishes to combine employment and parenting for herself.

“We are mothers who spent a number of years in the paid workforce, [and] intend to return to the paid workforce sooner or later, but in the meantime are taking time out for our young children,” founder Joanne Brundage said in an early letter about the group. “We share many of the same difficulties making this transition: a loss of identity, self-esteem, direction and structure; envy and/or condescension from family, friends and former coworkers; redefining our roles in our familial and marital relationships and relinquishing the security and pleasures of financial autonomy.”

Brundage, a letter carrier in Elmhurst, Ill., founded the organization in 1987, shortly after the birth of her second child. Feeling lonely and nostalgic for the “purpose, camaraderie and self-sufficiency” of her old job, she reached out to other moms through an ad in the local paper. A week later, four ladies gathered in Brundage’s home, and from that initial meet-up, the parenting organization was born, as Jocelyn Elise Crowley, a professor at Rutgers University in New Jersey, recounts in the book “Mothers Unite!” The group initially called themselves F.E.M.A.L.E.S., which stood for “Formerly Employed Mothers at Loose Ends,” but eventually it changed the name to Mothers & More to be inclusive of both stay-at-home and working moms.

Mothers & More experienced a rapid expansion during the latter half of the 20th century, as the American workplace received an influx of working mothers pursuing careers. In 1960, only 27.6 percent of married women with children held paying jobs. By 1980, that amount doubled, and most recently, in 2012, it reached 65.2 percent. With men’s wages falling, women entering the labor market was often an economic necessity, but it also provided them with meaning outside of their children.

“What hasn’t changed, unfortunately, is the workplace,” Brundage tells USA Today. “Society is asking all mothers to do it all and do it better and better and they have their hands tied behind their backs.”

Unlike the National Organization for Women or Moms Rising, which advocate directly for political change, you won’t find often Mothers & More penning many op-eds, descending on Washington or arguing before the Supreme Court. With some exceptions, they prefer to tackle the problem with a softer tone and local action: just moms helping moms, sharing the lessons they’ve learned through pregnancy and childrearing.

Their activities center on group discussions and recreational nights out. Some chapters sponsor preschool fairs to help moms find the right fit for early education, and recently, the national group has been hosting conferences online. An expo last month featured virtual keynotes on setting up flexible work models, balancing personal fulfillment with family demands and managing kids’ use of technology, plus demos on cooking, fitness and meditation — all info that moms could access on their own schedule.

“As a first-time mom, I think it can be isolating,” says Jill Gaikowski, the group’s executive director. “We’re a mom’s organization that not only focuses on the mom, but also the woman and the individual and I think that’s really important as a first-time mom to find that community and support.”

After Losing Her Marine Son to PTSD, This Mom’s Mission Is to Save the Lives of Other Veterans

Wendy Meyers’ son Brandon wanted one thing in life: To be a Marine.

Once he graduated from high school in Plainfield, Illinois, Brandon immediately enlisted and soon deployed to Iraq for nine months. He briefly returned home and then returned to Iraq for 19 months.

When he came home a second time, in 2012, Meyers knew something was deeply wrong with her son. “My husband woke up one night and heard him on the roof,” she told Fox 17, “He went out and talked to him, and he was doing sniper duty in the middle of the night on our roof. He never left Iraq.”

Brandon sought help from the VA, who judged him 70 percent disabled due to PTSD. The VA prescribed him medication and gave him counseling via teleconference. Still, things weren’t improving. Meyers said that Brandon told her, “When he died, just scatter his dust back in Iraq, because that’s where he died anyway.”
Sadly, Brandon took his own life in June 2013, becoming one of the estimated 22 veterans a day who commit suicide.
Meyers has turned her grief into a new mission. She aims to start a charity called Bubba’s Dogs for Warriors, which will provide service animals to veterans suffering from PTSD — a treatment she thinks might have helped her son better than the therapy he did receive. “We have lost more men and women to suicide than the wars themselves from start to today,” she told Brad Edwards of CBS 2 Chicago. “We can help. Every penny and dollar we give can save a life. They have done this for us. Let’s not forget.”
Meyers launched a GoFundMe campaign with the target of raising $30,000 to fund two service animals. So far, she’s collected more than $7,000. On the page Meyers writes, “We’ve poured our broken hearts into research and found the highest degree of treatment success can come in the form of a constant companion — a dog, a service dog. Training these PTSD dogs is expensive, up to $15,000 each. In our son’s memory, we’d like to save lives.” She notes that service animals are not covered by the VA, which is why so many nonprofits are stepping up to provide them.
Brandon achieved his goal of becoming a Marine; now, his mother works toward her mission of helping her late son’s comrades. If you’re interested in helping Meyers hit her target, click here.
MORE: This Service Dog Has A Mission Beyond Helping Just One Vet
 
 

After a Family Tragedy, This Woman Sold Everything and Hit the Road to Volunteer

Once the kids are raised, some moms plan to enjoy a bit of well-deserved free time. But Carol Harr didn’t view her empty nest as a chance to relax. Instead, after raising her daughters in Centennial, Colorado and retiring from the state’s labor department, she decided to sell her home and become a full-time roving volunteer.
The 64-year-old Harr sold or donated almost all of her possessions, keeping just a few things in a storage unit. The remainder fit in her car, which she has driven to Florida, Georgia, and back to Colorado on volunteering missions for The Catholic Worker Movement, a social justice charity serving the poor, and World Wide Opportunities On Organic Farms (WWOOF), an organization that connects volunteers with organic farmers.
The radical change in lifestyle from settled mom to nomadic volunteer was prompted by a personal tragedy. Five years ago, one of Harr’s daughters gave birth to a baby girl who died after living for less than a day. “It was a real awakening for me,” Harr told Claire Martin of the Denver Post. “I’d been living my life for the future, spending my time cleaning up from last week and getting ready for next week. I took an ecumenical class called ‘Just Faith,’ about social justice, and began learning about living in community.”
Harr lives off her state pension while staying in housing provided by the various charities she volunteers with or with friends. Now that she’s back in Colorado on a WWOOF post, she’s staying with couple in Denver who agreed to host a volunteer.
Harr’s current post lasts through October, and for her next project, she’s invested in a plan to band together with others to create a co-housing community on the site of a former Denver convent — a good base for her plan of living light and volunteering.
Harr’s daughter Kati Harr told the Post, “I loved my childhood home so much, (but) even more important than my nostalgia is actively supporting my mom’s innate and deeply rooted desire to help her community and fellow beings. I really feel the route to happiness is walking within your values, living in a way that upholds the things you hold to be the most dear. My mom is a shining example of this. I am so lucky and blessed to be her daughter.”
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When Families are Separated Because of Criminal Acts, This Technology Keeps Everyone Connected

Sure, there’s the adage, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” But anyone who’s been in a long-distance relationship can attest that maintaining the connection is difficult — and a lot of work.
That’s particularly true of incarcerated parents who are separated from their children.
But a pilot program in Philadelphia is working to change that. For almost a year now, Riverside Correctional Facility (which houses about 800 women) has been allowing supervised video chats between inmates and their children.
This increased ability to communicate not only has the potential to enhance prisoner morale and family cohesion, but it also allows the parent to have more say in decisions regarding her kids. All of this is very much needed, which is obvious from this staggering statistic: Since 1991, the number of children with imprisoned mothers has doubled, according to Next City.
More families could soon benefit from this program, says Jessica Shapiro, DHS chief of staff in Philadelphia, and the technology could even spread nationwide this summer. 
With the huge increase in incarcerated mothers, video chatting has the potential to revolutionize and greatly improve the childhood of those affected. Although parents in prison cannot be physically present with their children, and in many situations, social workers have to get involved, this technology does allow for more involved parenting and better outcomes for the family as a whole.
One family recently used a video chat to hold a “family team conference,” notes Shapiro. “A mother and grandmother who were both incarcerated, [and] the children and grandchildren were able to attend the conference at DHS,” she said. “The conference was so emotionally powerful for all parties that the facilitator had to actually stop the conference several times.”
While videoconferencing should not replace vital, in-person visits between inmates and their children, it does have the ability to increase communication, something that the general prison population needs— cutting down on wait times and keeping families better connected.
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Providing Assistance to “the Forgotten Heroes of America” is Top Priority for This Veteran

Even if you’ve had lots of bad luck come your way, there’s probably someone out there that can top it. Captain Jaspen Boothe of the Army National Guard is one of those people.
While this single mother served in Iraq in August 2005, she lost everything back home in New Orleans to Hurricane Katrina. And the hits didn’t stop there.
The very next month, she was diagnosed with “aggressive head, neck, and throat cancer,” according to her website. As a result, she could no longer be deployed overseas and needed a job to support her young son and to pay for her medical care. She inquired about around about assistance, but was told that there aren’t any organizations dedicated to specifically helping female veterans. 
While undergoing radiation treatments for her cancer, Boothe managed to keep a position in the Army Reserves. Once she felt better, she joined the Army National Guard, in which she now serves, based out of Washington, D.C.
Now that she had climbed back on her feet, Boothe wanted to do something to help other female veterans caught in difficult circumstances. So in 2010, she founded the nonprofit Final Salute, Inc., with the goal of housing homeless female veterans. “When Americans think of veterans, they’re only thinking about the men. Women veterans are the forgotten heroes of America. A lot of them have fallen on hard times,” Boothe told Denise Hendricks of HLN Morning Express.
To date, Final Salute, Inc. has helped 200 veteran women and their children, and now runs three transitional homes for them in Alexandria, Virginia; Martinsburg, West Virginia; and Columbus, Ohio. Through its S.A.F.E. program (Savings Assessment and Financial Education), the organization assists women vets achieve financial stability and offers emergency assistance, and through its H.O.M.E. initiative (Housing Outreach Mentorship Encouragement), it offers housing assistance and help with food, diapers, and other essentials.
“We are not a pity party environment. We give you all the tools that you need, but your success in this program is up to you.” Boothe’s tireless efforts, she said, are “the right thing to do as an American and the right thing to do as a soldier.”
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