Tag: Caregiving

Not Your Grandma’s Golden Years

Posted on by robbie

Florida condos, group bus trips and endless games of Solitaire may be a thing of retirement past. The typical American Millennial is unlikely to mirror the retirement of their grandparents — or even their parents. According to analysis in the publication Science, developed countries have seen an increase in longevity, more than two years every decade. A person born in 1998 is likely to live to 95, assuming she has reasonable access to education and healthcare. This means that your golden years might be almost as long as your professional life. Spending 35 years lounging by the pool or playing mahjong is unlikely to appeal to Millennials, who seem to prefer transience to routine.
When Social Security was first established in 1935, life expectancy was around 61. For those trying to fit in education, a family and a job to support that family, there wasn’t ample time for leisure and other activities. It’s no wonder then that Americans defaulted to a three-stage plan that focused on those three things. Adding an upward of 40 years to a lifespan frees things up bit to make life more fulfilling, and in turn, provides the opportunity for a “multi-stage life.” Coined by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott, authors of “The 100-Year Life,” the concept outlines the shifting of our life trajectory from being progressive and defined by three stages to one that’s non-linear and filled with diverse careers, breaks and adaptations.
“The current trends of this three-stage life cannot work for someone with potential to reach 100 [years of age],” says Scott, professor of economics at London Business School. “Instead, a multi-stage life will be made up of many different stages each with different aims — perhaps one aimed at making money, another with a better work/life balance or a third focused on self-expression. Each stage will require a reboot to prepare a new identity and skills for the stage ahead.”

Millennials are leading the way by redesigning their 20s as a distinct age stage. The focus: Spend your second decade determining your values, your strengths and priorities — a time to hold off on early commitments and explore ample possibilities.
A recent Merrill Edge Report shows that 42 percent of 18-to-34-year-olds designate working their dream job as a personal milestone. Thirty-seven percent make traveling the world one of their top priorities. And almost two-thirds of Millennials are saving to live out their desired lifestyle now, as opposed to 55 percent of Gen Xers and baby boomers who put money aside for retirement. Call it FOMO retirement planning: Younger generations are no longer looking at their adult life as a predetermined, linear path. Instead, they’re taking a hop-on-hop-off trolley approach by nurturing personal goals. Read on to see how you can catch a ride for this multi-stage life.

Embrace Transitions

The multi-stage life counts on being adaptable in all areas: career, relationships, family and beyond. “Flexibility requires that we set aside what has already happened so that we can be open to what arises next,” says Henry Emmons, holistic psychiatrist and co-author of “Staying Sharp.”
Curiosity is an important driver in creating this flexibility. It challenges us beyond what we already know, which results in a bit of (good) stress that resolves when the related task is complete. Think about trying an exotic food. Inquisitiveness makes you wonder what it tastes like, followed by tension before you experience the unknown flavor, until your brain registers the entire experience as new taste. “As far as the brain is concerned, curiosity pushes us to keep going and thus, creates new neuropathways,” Emmons says. “It’s the best things we can do for ourselves, especially as we age and become set in our ways.”
Identity is often shaped by a particular job. When you’re not limited to a single career, however, you’re open to experiencing various roles. “You need to think about your identity in a different way,” says Scott. Reinforcing the idea that a gap year is no longer limited to college graduates, and instead, an acceptable (planned) exploratory period every few decades, is bound to reboot any inertia along the way.

Invest in New Skills

If you don’t disrupt the three-stage life, you’re likely to feel bored or frustrated during your centenarian life. “The human psyche needs to keep growing and learning,” says Emmons. “The antidote is to keep yourself engaged and try new things to create a sense of momentum that gets you out of a repetitive pattern.”
In order to stay current, one should be ready to adapt — and often. Unknown opportunities will arise a decade from now, so it’s vital to reskill every three to five years. Virtually every job today requires at least some computer skills, and those at the helm have a clear advantage. New technologies, like robotics and Artificial Intelligence (AI), will further disrupt the playing field. The International Federation of Robotics forecasts that the number of industrial robots will increase by 13 percent each year between now and 2019. According to the McKinsey Global Institute’s June 2017 report, “Artificial intelligence tools have the promise to change our lives as fundamentally as personal computers did a generation ago.” Because almost a quarter of firms that have adopted AI expect to grow their workforce, not reduce it, individuals need to acquire skills that work with, not compete, against machines.
This approach challenges the collegiate “learn then earn” model that can’t keep up with fast-paced job market. A “nanodegree” may be the answer to get ahead in this new digital frontier. Udacity, an online education hub, has pioneered the concept of offering tech-savvy courses — including Robotics and Self-Driving Car Engineer — that further one’s career without costing much time or money. These courses aren’t just useful for a Silicon Valley wannabes; the financial, media, retail, education and healthcare sectors, as well as the travel industry, are all integrating various degrees of AI into their frameworks.
While automation is the asset du jour, robots alone can’t monopolize the workforce. A perk of being human is that mental plasticity drives innovation and creativity. Take this success story: A computer science whiz was able to break into the L.A. fashion industry because her coding background allowed her to develop programs for printing patterns on different textiles. “She had the visions of a fashion designer, but also understood the mechanisms to bring her visions into reality,” says Valerie Streif, senior advisor with Mentat, a San Francisco-based organization for job seekers. “You’re able to jump fields as long as you’re willing to take on new challenges.”
It’s crucial to develop transferable soft skills such as leadership and communication — something the smartest robot cannot match. “Emotional intelligence is the most desirable soft skill of all,” says Streif. “The ability to read people sets you apart as a leader.”

Strive for a productive life

Planning for a multi-stage life is more than lining up your finances (more on that later). Family, friends, health, mental well-being and knowledge are the building blocks of an enjoyable long life. Aside from providing a nurturing day-to-day experience, these intangible assets are crucial during transition periods that often need extra support.
On the home front, actually coordinating and switching roles — a theory coined by Nobel prize-winning economist Gary Becker back in 1981— allows each partner to further develop different life stages while still maintaining the much-needed income stream. Domestic partnership roles based on traditional patriarchy simply can’t benefit both parties, not in the long-run anyway.

Much like financial investments, intangible assets like friendships need diversification and consistent attention to grow. (After all, you can’t bank on college to set you up with friends for the next 80 years). This is where volunteering, civil service or caregiving come in. Non-homogenous relationships make you less prone to stereotypes, prejudice and ageism — boosting your reputation as a people-person, a characteristic that carries enormous value in every day interactions and the workforce.
A productive life also means prioritizing a healthy mind and body. The healthier you are in your youth, the fewer chronic conditions should pop up later on. Conversely, an unhealthy lifestyle doesn’t just wreak havoc physically; it can drain savings due to the already volatile state of healthcare. If practicing meditation seems too advanced, develop good sleep patterns. “It’s the single most protective thing for the body and the brain,” says Emmons. Sleep is like going into a repair shop to tweak all those micro injuries that happen during the day. “Deep sleep allows the brain to cleanse itself and opens up channels that are closed during the day,” he adds.

Revamp your financials

According to a Bankrate.com report, seven out of 10 of non-retired Americans plan to work as long as possible during retirement. Of those, 38 percent plan to remain employed because they like to work, and 35 percent said they plan to have a job because they need the money; 27 percent said both. When you consider that a third of Millennials believe Social Security won’t be available to them, retirement savings must take priority. “Everyone, especially Millennials, should get in the habit of saving 15 percent of their income for retirement,” says Greg McBride, chief financial analyst at Bankrate.com. “Ideally through tax-advantaged retirement accounts such a workplace 401(k) and an IRA. Establish this habit early on and it will stick with you as earnings grow.”
In fact, you might need to stash as much as 25 percent of your income — a challenging task if student loans and travel eat up a saving than previous generations.
While Millennials are better at saving than previous generations, the Great Recession has made many question the security of investment plans. The fear is not warranted, says McBride. “Who cares what the market does next year, or the year after. You’re making contributions. If the market goes down, you get better price on your next contribution. The stock market is the only place, when it goes on sale, people run the other way.”
But what about paying off student loans? A fair question given the fact that 70 percent of college graduates are left with $38,000 in debt, on average. While a looming loan can be psychologically burdensome, making consistent payments towards your loan for 10, or even 25 years if you’re furthering your education, is often the right plan, particularly if you’re also paying a mortgage or other debt. Contributing to a 401(k), particularly if your employer offers dollar-for-dollar matching, is another smart alternative to paying off student loans right away.

Restructure time

“We don’t yet know what exactly works over 100 years, and it will be a long while until we do,” says Scott. That’s why it’s a good idea to ignore the clock a bit. Your 20s are becoming increasingly accepted as a time to be liberated and to transform your interests into more permanent sectors of your life, such as different careers or lifestyles. Think of your 30s as the test-drive decade for all those self-discoveries made during the previous decade. Perhaps your 40s is a time to make tweaks or shift gears. Once you’re in your 50s, ponder whether your older self will approve of how you’re setting up your life for the next stages. “Unlike past generations, it’s important to keep giving yourself options throughout all ages,” says Scott. “You find out what you like by both doing it and by rejecting what you don’t.”
The advantage of looking at life as a non-linear progression frees you up to make choices that may otherwise feel risky when you’re bound by the expectations of the three-stage life. Millennials are on the right track by delaying marriage and children in order to make time for self-discovery, find well-fitting careers and partners and enhance their community.
Going forward, each person has the opportunity to create a unique path. But to do so, we have to become age-agnostic. Repeat the following: Age does not equal stage. In other words, there are no rules when you can be a college student or a spouse, or hold a certain job. Overthinking whether you fit into a mold can be detrimental in the long run. “Worry and fear lock us in and create a sense of stagnation,” says Emmons.
This post is paid for by AARP.

Getting Real About Golden Years

Posted on by robbie

Getting old isn’t for the faint of heart. Healthcare is expensive. Extra services are needed. There’s pressure on your adult children to take care of you. (And from their perspective, they’ve got to deal with the mental anguish of watching you try to cope!)
Yes, it’s joyous to lead a long, healthy life, but the operative word is “healthy.” If you’re lingering, not living, I don’t see an upside.
Making it to 100 — or beyond — only makes sense, to me, if you have a high quality of life. If you’re confined to a wheelchair, if someone has to clean you, bathe you and dress you, and if you’re not even aware of your surroundings, living to such a ripe old age doesn’t feel like much of a victory. To enjoy longevity, it’s crucial that we can still give back to others, feel well enough to participate in activities, and enjoy our family and friends.
When my father was 69, he had a stroke. A medevac helicopter rushed him to the hospital, where doctors told us there was a possibility that he’d recover. As a family, we decided to put in a feeding tube.
Had I understood the magnitude of my father’s stroke and been given more clear medical information, I would have made a different decision.
My father lived 14 more years, but he was confined to a wheelchair and had minimal speech capabilities. He suffered. Despite my parents’ long-term health insurance policy, his illness also ate away at their financial resources.
Three years ago, my father finally passed.

Afterward, I thought my mother would have a chance to be healthier and happier, as she was no longer a primary caregiver. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Last year, she fell and broke her hip. At the same time her physical health declined, so did her mental health. Now she, too, requires 24-7 care.
Today, my mother resides in a senior living facility. It’s clean and safe. She’s treated with kindness. A nurse visits her once a week and calls me with any problems. But since my mother’s finances were drained from my father’s illness and her long-term insurance doesn’t cover much, I support her. At first, I was optimistic that Medicare would help, but at the end of the day, when someone needs around-the-clock care, the cost is too considerable.
I’m not complaining; many others are in a similar situation. As people live longer, they need to be cared for. That’s the concern with an aging population, and it’s one that should be addressed more seriously.
I think the healthcare crisis we’re in is substantial. It’s a tragedy to see people lose their Medicare while drug prices rise, and to hear about terrible nursing home situations in the news. The longer people live, the more needs they have, and the greater the burden on our entire system.
I doubt that I’m alone in these thoughts. There’s a movement in our country toward hospice services. People want compassionate solutions, not 911 drama. As we have the opportunity to live longer, it will become critical for people in the medical field to come clean with families so that appropriate choices can be made. Hopefully, those decisions will be guided by love.
On the other hand, exactly when the “best” years are in your life depends on you, your career and your interests. Each individual’s journey is different. There’s no prescription for success or happiness.
If I were to live to 100 and still had a good quality of life, I’d continue to engage in enriching, cultural activities. I’d spend my days going to the theater, watching old movies and reading fiction. I’d surround myself with interesting stories, and would hopefully be reading them to my great-grandchildren.
Although I officially retired as president of the Brooklyn Academy of Music in 2015, I recently completed a two-year senior fellowship at The Andrew W. Mellon Foundation. Now, I’m serving as a senior advisor to the Onassis Foundation’s cultural centers in New York and Athens, Greece.
I love what I do, but it’s hard to know if I’ll still be working at the age of 100. Younger people will call the shots at that point, but hopefully I’ll be interesting enough to stick around and contribute to their shining moments.
If so, I’d try to illuminate and educate younger generations without always saying, “In my day…” I’d try not to hold on to the same level of professional intensity I had in my 40s, 50s and 60s.
In return, I’ll hopefully be seen as a visionary in my day — someone who worked hard, did well and added more vitality to the field.
As humans, we can’t go backward. We have to move forward. If it’s intimidating to think about that in big chunks, then we can break it down day by day. To me, that means if I can wake up and feel good, continue to work and be with the people I care about, then I’m lucky.

Karen Brooks Hopkins served as President of the Brooklyn Academy of Music from 1999 until her retirement in 2015 and was an employee of the institution since 1979. She has worked with the Cultural Institutions Group, the Mayor’s Cultural Affairs Advisory Commission and as the Brooklyn Regent for the New York State Education Department. In 2013, Crain’s named her one of the “50 Most Powerful Women in New York.” Karen currently serves on the boards of the Jerome L. Greene and Alexander Onassis Foundations, as Senior Fellow in Residence at the Andrew W. Mellon Foundation and Fellow of the National Center for Arts Research at Southern Methodist University.
This post is paid for by AARP.

Turn and Face the Change

Posted on by robbie

I’m fascinated by lifespan: how we’ve spent the time that’s already behind us; how we’re using our present time; what’s going to happen to the time allotted us in the future. That said, I’m all for a life that’s well lived rather than one that’s long. Instead of being mediocre for 150 years, I’d prefer to be brilliant for 70.
I do think time gives us more opportunities to change, and the longer you live, the more you get. I was the typical angry adolescent, but at my recent high school reunion, my old classmates kept saying they’d never seen me smile and laugh so much. And although I grew up in a family where I was taught to never talk about my feelings, becoming a parent in my 20s changed me. I learned to open up and express myself. Now, every day, I tell my 8-year-old son that I love him and how proud I am of him.
So long as we continue to learn and grow, time also gives us the opportunity for reinvention. At just 33 years old, I’m already on my third career as a writer and director. I’m also a personal trainer. (Previously, I worked as a fighter and a forklift driver.)
Twice in my life – once after my marriage fell apart and the second, after a long-term relationship ended – I found myself in a deep depression. I used alcohol and painkillers. I considered suicide. For a while, I was even homeless, carrying around two duffel bags of belongings and sleeping on the F train in New York City, where I live. The only thing more exhausting than an existence like that is hiding it from people. It was like swallowing razorblades.
What pulled me out of those dark times was an intense feeling that my life wasn’t done yet. I vividly remember thinking, This isn’t my time.

Going through difficult periods made me capable of putting other problems in perspective. What I value in friendships and romantic partnerships is much different now. Instead of needing to be validated by someone else, I crave emotional support and good communication. That’s what we all yearn for when things go poorly.
But for me, all those benefits of time still don’t outweigh the realities of growing older.
Men in my family usually don’t live long past 65 — if they even make it to that age at all. We have a history of neurological diseases like Parkinson’s and multiple sclerosis. Dementia is part of my family tree as well.
In 2014, my grandmother — who raised me – was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Over the years, my family missed the early signs. But once we recognized them, she seemed to deteriorate overnight. One night, Nana was cooking us dinner. The next, I was carrying her to the bathroom because she couldn’t remember where it was.
My entire family, including my ex-wife, became Nana’s caregivers around the clock. We did her shopping, read to her and kept her company. She became paranoid and angry, unable to do all the things she used to do: cook, take tai chi classes, even watch TV. We couldn’t even suggest going to a doctor without her flying off the handle. As she deteriorated, the circle of people who helped her got a lot smaller.
I spent a lot of nights crying. When my grandmother passed away last year, she was only 82 years old.
When I say I don’t want to live to be 100, that’s an opinion based out of fear – a fear that my quality of life will decline greatly after a certain point. I want to live the best life I can for as long as I can, but the possibility of becoming a burden on my loved ones makes me hesitant to accept the notion of a long life.
A cure for dementia would definitely change my outlook on the prospect of living to 100. But who knows if and when that will happen? Back in the 80s, didn’t we think we’d be living like the Jetsons by now?
My absolute biggest fear about aging is losing every memory I’ve ever had and becoming a shell of the self that I know and that everyone around me loves. I want my son to look at me and always see me.
With the family history of health conditions that I have, it’s hard to imagine myself at 100. I can’t help but worry that living that long would keep my son from living the life he’s dreamed of for himself.

Jared Glenn is a film and music video director based in New York City. He is also an aspiring writer and a personal trainer in lower Manhattan, as well as a devoted father.
This post is paid for by AARP.