A father or father figure can be one of the most important influences on a child’s life. At NationSwell we elevate stories of solutions that are moving the country forward, and these dads are doing just that — for both their own children and their communities.
When He Couldn’t Find a School for His Daughter, This Father Established His Own: An incident with her baby nurse left newborn Sarah Jane with permanent brain damage, unable to walk or talk. It was then that her father knew he needed to be her voice in the world.
The Hero of Kansas City: Restaurant owner Anton Kotar sees his staff as family. The father of three hires former felons to work in his kitchen and trains them in everything from culinary arts to parenting. “They need a chance,” he says.
Meet the Gutsy Dad That Started a Car Wash to Help His Son Find Purpose: In the autism community, reaching the age of 22 is commonly referred to as “falling off the cliff.” Government support cuts off and many people with autism face limited employment options and a lack of activities to keep them engaged. Entrepreneur John D’Eri wasn’t going to let that happen to his son, Andrew.
How Do Young Men Become Better Fathers? They Attend This Boot Camp: In New York City, more than half a million children are being raised by single parents — increasingly, single dads. This innovative city program trains low-income fathers to become better parents. “We want to stop this cycle that’s been going on in their families, because they’re training the future leaders of our city,” says program coordinator Raheem Brooks.
My Final Act of Service: As Marine veteran Anthony Egan struggled with terminal cancer, he spoke with NationSwell about what makes life worth living and the final lessons he wanted to instill in his son before he passed.
Tag: parenting
The Inexpensive Way to Lift New Moms Out of Postpartum Depression
Judy’s first pregnancy was planned, and she was looking forward to having a baby. Yet, halfway through the pregnancy, something changed. She began to feel down and bad about herself. She had less energy and struggled to concentrate. Thinking this was a normal part of pregnancy, she ignored it.
After she delivered her son, it all got worse. She felt as if she was in a black hole of sadness. She often gave her son to her mother, thinking he was better off without her. It wasn’t until a year and a half later, when she came out of the depression on her own, that she realized that she had not been herself.
Judy is a composite figure, based on the thousands of women for whom we have cared for or met during our clinical work and research. Her story demonstrates the profound impact that depression can have on mothers and their children.
Having a baby can be extraordinarily challenging. Women are extremely vulnerable to emotional changes during pregnancy and the year after delivery. In fact, depression is the most common complication of pregnancy. But women often have absolutely no idea they have depression, nor do anyone in their circle of influence, including their medical providers.
We believe there’s a missed opportunity to address depression in obstetric and pediatric settings: settings in which women are seen often during pregnancy and the year after birth. Women like Judy often drown in their illness, without anyone ever speaking to them about the possibility of depression. How and why does the health care system let this happen?
THE COSTS OF UNTREATED DEPRESSION
One in seven women experience depression during pregnancy and after birth. Depression negatively impacts mothers, children and families. It can affect birth outcomes, the way moms bond with their baby and children’s mental health later in life.
When untreated, depression can also lead to tragic outcomes, including suicide or infanticide. In fact, suicide is the leading cause of death among postpartum women with depression.
This illness is also costly. One case of untreated depression is estimated to cost over $22,000 annually per mother and baby pair.
Despite being a common illness with profound negative effects, most depression among pregnant and postpartum women goes unrecognized and untreated. Of the 4 million women who give birth in the U.S. every year, about 14 percent will experience depression. At least 80 percent will not generally get treatment.
There’s historically been no system in place to detect depression or help women get care. But professional societies and policymakers are starting to recommend screenings, while medical practices are beginning to integrate depression into obstetric and pediatric care.
This is a great first step. However, screening is not enough. After screening, the health system must ensure women get appropriately diagnosed and treated. Unfortunately, many providers aren’t trained or equipped with the proper resources to help women with depression, or may be reluctant to do so.
HELPING PROVIDERS HELP MOMS
In response to this need, our team is working on integrating depression into obstetric care in our state.
Our Massachusetts Child Psychiatry Access Program for Moms, launched in July 2014, helps frontline medical providers screen for and treat depression and other mental health concerns among pregnant and postpartum women.
MCPAP for Moms provides training and toolkits for providers, as well as telephone and face-to-face psychiatric consultation. For example, Judy’s obstetric provider could call MCPAP for Moms and talk to a psychiatrist to get guidance on how to treat, and with consultation, decide on a treatment plan that would include therapy. MCPAP for Moms also offers resources directly to women with ongoing mental health care.
Every provider in Massachusetts can access our services free of charge. MCPAP for Moms is funded through the MA Department of Mental Health. It also offers access to mental health care to pregnant and postpartum women in Massachusetts for less than $1 per month per woman. We are now evaluating how the program has affected outcomes for the more than 4,000 patients directly served since launch.
Two other states, Washington and Wisconsin, are starting programs like MCPAP for Moms, and 17 others are seeking funding. Especially exciting, next year’s federal budget includes grant money for other states to establish such programs. We envision a health care system where all providers caring for pregnant and postpartum women are armed with the resources they need to support women with depression.
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Tiffany Moore Simas is an associate professor of obstetrics-gynecology and pediatrics, and Nancy Byatt is an associate professor of psychiatry and obstetrics-gynecology, both at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. This article was originally published on The Conversation.
How to Stop Sexism From Ruining Your Kids
If you consider yourself a progressive parent, you’ve probably been riding the gender-neutrality train for a while, making a concentrated effort to let your boys and girls be … well, whatever it is they want to be.
For everyone else, the rise of headline-grabbing movements like the Women’s March and #MeToo has made discussions around sexism, and the effect it can have on their children’s future, part of the broader parenting zeitgeist. Which is a good thing: Research has shown that children raised in egalitarian households are less aware of gender stereotyping at age 4 than kids whose parents endorse more traditional gender roles.
By now, parents of all stripes pretty much know that old-school fairy-tales and video games can breed gender bias. But there is still much more moms and dads can do to keep their children from picking up on the social cues that lead to gender inequalities. Here, salient advice for raising kids who will push back against sexism, at any age.
THE EARLIEST YEARS: BIRTH TO AGE 2
What’s Happening: Babies’ brains are sponges, but not haphazard ones. Little minds rely on select experiences to fine-tune their social navigation. “Even before infants are able to physically mimic behaviors, areas of their brain are ‘rehearsing’ and mimicking behaviors they observe,” says Dr. Laura Jana, a pediatrician and the author of “The Toddler Brain.” “Social interaction between babies and caring, responsive adults — most often their parents — influences the connecting of neurons in the developing brain.”
What You Can Do: For starters, keep you baby registry gender neutral. Otherwise you’re pretty much encouraging stereotypes right out of the womb. That’s not to say that dressing your daughter in a pink romper dooms her as a future feminist, but a playroom full of kitchen sets and dolls does send a certain message. Even subtle behaviors can impact your child’s future interests and actions. “Avoid defaulting to stereotypical gender-specific praise and descriptions,” Jana says. For instance, girls shouldn’t always be “pretty” and “sweet,” and boys don’t get to be “brave” and “strong” by default; by the time babies reach their first birthday, they’re already paying attention to these kinds of loaded words.
THE PRESCHOOL YEARS: AGES 2 TO 4
What’s Happening: Toddlers have been shown to demonstrate a preference for their own gender. They also tend to attribute more positive qualities to kids of the same gender and more negative traits to those of the other gender. “Figuring out categories is as fundamental as you can get in terms of cognitive processes,” says Lise Eliot, a professor of neuroscience at Rosalind Franklin University and the author of “Pink Brain, Blue Brain.” “It helps organize your experiences if things are similar, or not.”
What You Can Do: Be mindful of gender bias come bedtime. Almost 60 percent of main characters in children’s storybooks are male (or male animals), according to a 2011 study in the journal Gender & Society. “Female underrepresentation in children’s books may contribute to a sense of importance and wide-ranging possibilities among boys, and consequently, a sense of unimportance and more limited possibilities among girls,” says study author Janice McCabe, an associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College.
Even well-meaning moms and dads may be desensitized to the over-dominance of male characters, especially if they are reading to a boy. In wanting their child to relate to the story, parents often don’t realize there’s a lack of female characters. “Discuss the absence of female characters with children as young as 2,” says McCabe. “By doing so, the inequality will not remain invisible, and you’ll also encourage critical thinking and media literacy.”
The prevalence of male-centered storytelling could be driven by the notion that girls are interested in boy things, but boys aren’t interested in girl things — and that’s unfortunate. “Parents are afraid [boys] will lose something by being associated with girls so it’s not as OK for boys to read books about girls, as opposed to the other way around,” says Eliot.
But that ultimatum is simply not true. Instead, try expanding your narratives. NationSwell’s suggestions: “Interstellar Cinderella,” about a futuristic heroine who prefers a wrench to a tiara; “Little Feminist,” a mini board-book series depicting notable femmes like Frida Kahlo and Rosa Parks; “Made by Raffi,” a tale of a shy, but ingenious boy whose knitting skills save the day; and “Clive and His Babies,” which tells the story of a boy and his two dolls (Clive’s adventures continue in a series of books about his bags, hats and art).
THE GRADE-SCHOOL YEARS: AGES 5 TO 12
What’s Happening: While gender stereotyping seems to peak between ages 5 and 6, just two years later ideas regarding gender roles become less rigid. That’s because at this age, youngsters tend to process information on a case-by-case basis, instead of the overarching group stereotype honed in their preschool years. By the time a child is 7, she or he realizes that femininity and masculinity are not hard rules assigned by gender.
What You Can Do: Step it up as a role model. “Children in this age group are much more focused on their own world — their family and their parents’ ideas — than the external world,” says Richard Horowitz, a parenting and family coach in Palm Harbor, Fla. “It is crucial to shape views and attitudes during the elementary years.”
But you can’t reinforce gender-agnostic values part-time. Take each parent’s job, for example. No matter if one folds laundry at home while the other trades stocks from a fancy corner office, treating each path with dignity ensures your kids won’t think one is more important than the other. When alternate opinions and media try to interfere, back up your assertions: While watching TV together, for instance, call out blatant sexist jokes (network sitcoms like “Modern Family,” “2 Broke Girls” and “The Big Bang Theory” are all guilty). “If kids can’t talk about stereotypes with their parents,” Horowitz says, “then they are more likely to be manipulated by mass culture.”
THE TEENAGE YEARS: AGES 13 TO 17
What’s Happening: The hormone soup is brewing, and it’s contributing to more than just teens slamming their bedroom doors and yelling, “Leave me alone!” Puberty is also a time when the feel-good oxytocin shoots up. This hormone boosts your kids’ proclivity for social bonding and cements positive memories from social interactions.
What You Can Do: Encourage the socialization that teenagers crave, including their interest in the opposite sex. “Chauvinism begins with [gender] segregation,” says Eliot. “Each group starts objectifying the opposite gender and that’s where stereotypes come into play.” What’s more, when a boy doesn’t see girls in charge — whether that’s as the female president of his civics club or the de facto leader of his social group — he is more likely to balk at female leadership as an adult. Says Eliot, “If boys don’t have this experience, a female leader just ‘doesn’t feel right’ to them.”
3 Ways to Make Life Better for Working Parents and Undocumented Immigrants
In the United States, there are almost 210,000 childcare workers helping to raise our nation’s youth. Of those, about 24 percent are undocumented workers and employed illegally — making them vulnerable to low pay, workplace abuse and an inability to seek out care if hurt on the job.
Officially, a family can sponsor a caregiver for a green card, which allows the person to live and work in the U.S. But the aging American immigration system has gotten in the way, leaving behind a broken process in which domestic caregivers who do seek citizenship almost always get rejected.
Watch the video above to learn about three solutions for modernizing the system for today’s workforce.
Homepage image courtesy of Leslie White
MORE: Alleviating Obstacles to Sponsorship
When Families are Separated Because of Criminal Acts, This Technology Keeps Everyone Connected
Sure, there’s the adage, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” But anyone who’s been in a long-distance relationship can attest that maintaining the connection is difficult — and a lot of work.
That’s particularly true of incarcerated parents who are separated from their children.
But a pilot program in Philadelphia is working to change that. For almost a year now, Riverside Correctional Facility (which houses about 800 women) has been allowing supervised video chats between inmates and their children.
This increased ability to communicate not only has the potential to enhance prisoner morale and family cohesion, but it also allows the parent to have more say in decisions regarding her kids. All of this is very much needed, which is obvious from this staggering statistic: Since 1991, the number of children with imprisoned mothers has doubled, according to Next City.
More families could soon benefit from this program, says Jessica Shapiro, DHS chief of staff in Philadelphia, and the technology could even spread nationwide this summer.
With the huge increase in incarcerated mothers, video chatting has the potential to revolutionize and greatly improve the childhood of those affected. Although parents in prison cannot be physically present with their children, and in many situations, social workers have to get involved, this technology does allow for more involved parenting and better outcomes for the family as a whole.
One family recently used a video chat to hold a “family team conference,” notes Shapiro. “A mother and grandmother who were both incarcerated, [and] the children and grandchildren were able to attend the conference at DHS,” she said. “The conference was so emotionally powerful for all parties that the facilitator had to actually stop the conference several times.”
While videoconferencing should not replace vital, in-person visits between inmates and their children, it does have the ability to increase communication, something that the general prison population needs— cutting down on wait times and keeping families better connected.
MORE: Born in Prison Herself, She’s Helping Women Break the Incarceration Cycle
Cooking Up Change at an Illinois Prison
Teach a man to fish, and he’ll never go hungry, the old saying goes. And while it’s hard to fish while incarcerated, organizers of a new program at the Cook County Jail, hope the same general philosophy holds true for teaching a man to cook.
A 90-day pilot program, which requires three hours each day, aims to teach inmates employable kitchen skills, DNAinfo Chicago reports. The added bonus? Work ethic and food lessons that can be used throughout the participants’ lives.
This jailhouse prison kitchen remains a far cry from a chef’s prep station, however. Knives are tied down; there’s not a soufflé in sight. But inmates find the lessons revelatory. (For some of the men, the first class marked their first whiff ever of fresh basil!) Some say the basement cookery stands as their first practical job skill education. They’re not only learning nutrition facts (think: olive oil instead of a fast-food fry-up), but how to employ all of their senses as they see, touch, smell, and taste.
“In three months, I can’t do miracles,” chef and teacher Bruno Abate told DNAinfo Chicago. “My mission is to transfer to them the love of food.”
Lieutenant. D. Delitz, who oversees the program, chose 24 participants out of a pool of 70 applicants.
Cook County hosts a broad range of programs for inmates, including seminars on parenting for men who had few, if any, male role models in their lives, reports WTTW. Organizers of the so-called Alpha Parenting Course (which is getting quite a bit of attention), say they believe theirs is the first such prison-based parenting counseling sessions in the nation (a similar one was discovered on the other side of the world, in New Zealand).
“These guys are definitely street smart but something like being a father has never been passed down,” Ebenezer Amalraj, a volunteer, told WTTW. “We want them to take our lessons, pass it on and have an influence on their legacy. We want them to make a difference and break the cycle.”
No word on whether inmates overlap between cooking and parenting. But now there’s hope that as they emerge from their sentences, maybe they’ll be able to make a better life for themselves — and their families.
When Immigrant Families Struggle With Reunions, This Educator Can Help
Many of us can’t imagine what it would feel like to spend part of our childhoods away from our parents, and then move to a new country to live with our parents—perhaps without knowing them well.
But it was situation seen often by Robin Hamby, who works as a family partnership specialist for the Fairfax County Public Schools in Virginia. Hamby noticed there was a special set of problems facing immigrant families in this situation—kids who might have missed their former caregiver and home country struggled to adapt to their new surroundings, sometimes becoming defiant with their parents as a result. Meanwhile, parents sometimes didn’t know their kids as well as they would have liked.
To help alleviate this disconnect, Hamby and others created a “Reunification of Immigrant Families” program with resources for parents, teachers, and schools. The program offers lots of resources for teachers, such as summaries of research related to these types of families and seminars about how to help such kids in their classes. At the heart of Hamby’s efforts is the Parent Project, a series of classes in English and Spanish for parents whose kids are having difficulty adjusting to America.
A video interview (English starts at 2:53) with Miguel and Jessica, parents who’ve participated in the program, makes it clear how valuable these lessons are. “One of the things that I love about this program is the way it changed [my ability] to understand my kids,” Miguel said. “To listen to the words he was trying to express, to understand their feelings and to change the way I was listening to my kids.” His wife Jessica has been equally impressed with the program. “It’s been so much easier to set our expectations for our children, and learn their expectations for us,” she says. “They know the consequences now. They know that we love them. I think that we thought that they knew, but the program really teaches us to be more expressive and more affectionate with them, and to give them…active supervision so that they know that we are in control.”
Hamby’s work isn’t just getting praise from those involved with the program, though. She was recently honored by a Virginia nonprofit called SCAN (Stop Child Abuse Now) for the work she does to prevent child abuse and neglect. When accepting her honor, Hamby told the audience that, “Welcoming is not just a mat by the door, but an attitude that inspires feelings of safety and connection,” according to the Fairfax Times. Many immigrant families would probably agree with that—and they have Hamby to thank, among others, for smooth transitions as they reunite.
MORE: No Longer Afraid: A Young Immigrant Victim of the Aurora Theater Shootings Steps Out of the Shadows
The Surprising Secret to Get Adults Moving
Going down the slides, swinging on the tire swing, and twirling around on the merry-go-round is just child’s play, right? Turns out that frolicking on the playground isn’t just good for kids, but adults, too. But how do you entice grown-ups to be more active?
In a small study, researchers from the USDA found an interesting way to get adults to move: By getting rid playground benches. That’s because it eliminated the temptation to sit, Reuters reports. The study, which was published in Preventive Magazine, was set up by USDA supervisory physiologist James Roemmich who wondered what parents would do after the eight picnic tables at a Grand Forks, North Dakota playground were temporarily removed. According to the report, researchers found that in the single week after the benches were taken away, parents were 23 times more likely to engage in moderate to vigorous activity, such as pushing children on swings, socializing with other parents, and throwing Frisbees and footballs.
MORE: How a Group of Exercising Seniors Hopes to Change a Crime-Plagued Neighborhood
Fortunately, the on-the-go adults did not deter the kids from acting like, well, kids. The study also discovered that removing the benches did not affect how long children stayed at the playground — nor did it stop them from playing like they normally did. “That’s because children are already very active when they’re at the playground, running from swings to slides, climbing and jumping,” Roemmich said. “Increasing their activity level is more challenging.”
While it’s unlikely that your local park will rip up all the playground benches after this study, it certainly does suggest that simple steps like this could help reduce the obesity epidemic that’s afflicting this country.