Cats, Anyone? Finding What We Have in Common When Ideology Divides Us

What if we shifted our focus from the ways people are different, and looked at the ways that we’re similar?
It’s easy to get along with people who share our values. We naturally create “ingroups” with people who share similar goals, political views or taste in music. Our ingroup becomes “Us,” and anyone outside our group becomes “Them.”

Is it possible to break down the barriers between Us and Them?  The Common Ingroup Identity Model says it is. Specifically, that if we can find a point of similarity with someone, we’ll show less negative bias towards them.

We put two real people on camera to test this theory.


This was produced in partnership with the Greater Good Science Center and the Einhorn Family Charitable Trust. Learn more about how you can bridge differences in your life here.

How Charles Best, CEO of DonorsChoose, Leads With Purpose

Ahead of Summit West 2020, NationSwell is profiling leaders and luminaries from a diverse array of fields to discover how they lead with purpose — and inspire others to do the same.
Educator and entrepreneur Charles Best was crowdsourcing before it was cool.
When he started DonorsChoose, a platform that connects underfunded public school teachers with donors, the entire company operated out of the tiny classroom in the Bronx where he was a teacher.
Best says he and his colleagues would spend lunch breaks discussing how much of their own salaries they spent on paper and pencils for their students, or on trips and projects their schools couldn’t support. He knew they weren’t alone in their passion for their students’ success, and soon envisioned a way to connect motivated citizens with classrooms in need.
What began almost twenty years ago as a scrappy classroom operation in the Bronx will soon be able to boast that it has raised over a billion dollars. They’ve helped fund half a million projects in 80% of our nation’s public schools. Best says purpose has been always core to DonorsChoose’s mission, and that acting with that core value in mind has been key to his success. But as they learned in 2003, and again in 2010, a little shine from Oprah never hurts, either.
NationSwell spoke to Best on Friday. Here’s what he had to say about putting purpose into action.
NationSwell: You were a teacher in the Bronx when you started DonorsChoose. Would you be willing to share the story with me about how that idea and that inspiration came to be?
DonorsChoose Founder and CEO Charles Best: Absolutely. I taught there for five years. During my first year of teaching, like teachers everywhere, my colleagues and I would spend a lot of our own money on copy paper and pencils, and then we would talk in the teacher’s lunch room about projects we wanted to do with our students that we couldn’t personally pay for — and that might’ve been a novel we wanted all our students to read, or a field trip we wanted to take them on or a science experiment that required a couple of microscopes.
And as we were talking in the teacher’s lunch room, I just figured that there were people out there who would want to help teachers like us if they could see exactly where their money was going. This is years and years before crowdfunding was a word or a thing, but it just made fundamental sense that there are people who want to support public school classrooms but don’t really see where their money’s going, and I thought we could connect teachers like us with donors or concerned citizens along the lines of what I described.
NS: Can you talk to me a little bit about where DonorsChoose was at the end of its first year versus where it is right now in terms of its growth?
CB: DonorsChoose launched in the spring of 2000, and we were operating out of my classroom. My students were our staff members. We even used my classroom as a mail sorting center after school because we were writing letters to people trying to get the first donations on our site. And we were actually hand-addressing and compiling physical letters because it was that far back in the day. And every desk in my classroom represented a different part of the country, so we could pile up letters going to different regions and get a cheaper postal rate. In any case, end of the first year, our nerve center, our headquarters is still my classroom and we had just expanded beyond the teachers at the school where I was teaching and there were a good number, let’s say 50 or so other teachers in other parts of the Bronx who were creating projects on our site. That’s status at end of year one.
And then we’re now in year 20 and in probably just a few months we’ll cross $1 billion of giving through the site to classroom projects. More than half a million public school teachers have gotten projects funded through the site. 80% of all the public schools in the country have had teachers who have posted projects.
So we’ve grown a lot since those more humble origins 20 years ago.

“We try and infuse purpose into our work without ever feeling overly virtuous. Humility is one of our core values.” — Charles Best, CEO and founder of DonorsChoose

NS: What are the key factors behind your success?
CB: Well, we got lucky in any number of ways. I’d like to think we worked hard for the luck, but there absolutely was serious luck involved. I’ll give you just one example. In 2001, I cold-called a whole lot of reporters, and I probably had to call 100 reporters before I found one who was willing to talk to me and hear me out as I described this nonprofit that my students were helping to get off the ground. And he wrote a one paragraph story about what we were up to for Newsweek, and Oprah Winfrey’s producers saw that little paragraph and reached out.
And so in 2003, Oprah Winfrey shines her spotlight on us and in the aftermath of her segment, and I had describe it as an aftermath only because she completely crashed our site, the moment she mentioned our website, I think there’s 20,000 people that simultaneously typed our URL into their browser and we just melted down. But when we got back up again, people started calling us from different parts of the country wanting to see DonorsChoose expand to their public schools. And so that really put in motion our national expansion, which culminated in 2007 when we opened our site to all the public schools in the country. But that national expansion wouldn’t have gotten moving when it did, if not for the pure stroke of luck of Oprah’s producers reading that one little paragraph.
So that’s a long way of saying that media coverage where, in any number of cases, we’ve just gotten really, really lucky has played a serious role. I think just the DonorsChoose experience itself has helped to spur growth because when a teacher creates a project on our site and gets funded — and more than 70% of teachers are successful at least once on our site — and when they are, the arrival of books or art supplies or science equipment tends to inspire other teachers to have a little bit of hope that if they were to share their best idea for helping students learn on DonorsChoose, that it might get funded. And then, of course, when a donor gives to a project and has this experience of finding a project that matches their passion or their background, and seeing where their money goes and hearing back from the classroom in a really vivid way, hopefully that inspires them to tell other people.
NS: What does acting or leading with purpose mean to you?
CB: I think folks who work at nonprofit organizations have a little bit of an easier time seeing how purpose is integral to their work and what they do during the daylight hours. And at DonorsChoose, I think we work hard to ensure that purpose that does infuse our work, and that purpose being to bring America a little bit closer to a place where students in every community have the materials and experiences they need to learn. We try and infuse purpose into our work without ever feeling overly virtuous. Humility is one of our core values. And if we’re going to pair humility with another attribute, it’d probably be hustle — because we think that hustle and humility are the two things that will enable you to create an organization that’s built to last, and one that continues to grow. The best situation is one where you feel like you don’t ever have to be thoughtful about purpose because it feels given, or it feels that have already evident in the work.
NS: What or who inspires you to keep committing to acting with purpose? How do you stay mission driven?
CB: One person who inspired me way back when and who I think of frequently is my high school English teacher and wrestling coach, Mr. Buxton. He really inspired me, and I figured if anybody ever looked up to me the way that I looked up to Mr. Buxton, I’d have done my share in life. And so it was thanks to Mr Buxton that I knew from sophomore year of high school that I wanted to be a teacher when I graduated. And it was only by virtue of being a teacher that I started DonorsChoose because DonorsChoose is of the breed of startup that comes from someone having an itch, and figuring out a way to scratch it  — and it turning out that a lot more people have that same itch.


At a time of extreme tension and uncertainty, people are losing confidence in traditional institutions’ ability to solve bigger problems facing our communities and environment. To fill the vid, leaders and organizations are expected to make a commitment to a purpose that benefits all stakeholders.
NationSwell’s Summit West will bring together a diverse group of impactful leaders and organizations. Together, we will learn from the people practicing purpose every day.
Charles Best is a member of the NationSwell Council. To find out more about the NationSwell Council, visit our digital hub. And to learn more about Summit West 2020, visit our event splash page

Bringing Radical Humanity Into Our Work Culture

Amy Mar had been working at a new job in San Francisco’s tech sector for eight months when her father was diagnosed with brain cancer. Her mother couldn’t care for him alone, so Mar began helping but soon used up all of her paid time off. That’s when her coworkers began transferring their vacation time to her.
That simple act of kindness, of being there for a new coworker, is not unusual at the web development company where she works, Dayspring Technologies. The values of connection, support and interdependence are enshrined in company policies and practices. 
Dayspring is among a growing number of organizations that are intentionally adopting a culture of compassion and interdependence over efficiency and competition. These companies view their work as fostering quality relationships among coworkers, customers, collaborators and the community, and not as a simple set of outputs and transactions. Just as relationships are unique, so are the ways each organization supports them.
For example at Dayspring, employees meet twice a week to connect over conversation and reflect on shared values. The company and its employees donate their time, skills and money to a local private middle school that serves many lower income kids and those who would be the first in their family to go to college.  
Salary differences, too, are kept in check: The salary of Dayspring’s CEO is no more than three times the effective salary of the person who cleans the office. Contrast that with the wages of the average CEO in the U.S., who earns more than 200 times the median employee salary. Dayspring’s co-founder, Chi-Ming Chien, believes a larger difference would “break down the ability of people to be in community with each other.”
Companies like Dayspring are rebelling against the modern business culture — one in which people are treated as a set of skills to be maximized and management books urge organizations to aggressively rank employees as A, B, and C and then treat each group differently. 
New York Times columnist David Brooks argues that this extreme meritocracy, where people compete against each other to work harder and stand out, is ripping apart our social fabric. He says the form of meritocracy embedded in today’s culture excludes most people. There is another way to work, however, which Brooks refers to as an open meritocracy. This system — like the one Dayspring and others are building — is designed to include, support and develop people to their full potential, rather than rank and weed them.
Dayspring’s culture, says Chien, grew out of a spiritual mission to embody and bear witness to God’s redeeming of the workplace, marketplace and community. “‘God’s redeeming’ is maybe language unique to us,” he says. “What it’s trying to express is that the way businesses operate is broken.”  
Dayspring strives for a culture of service and grace toward error. It emphasizes quality work that can be completed within set boundaries — for example, where projects are planned so that employees rarely have to work over 40 hours a week to meet client needs. Instead of hurting success, it may fuel it. Chien says the tech company has averaged just 5.4% staff turnover (less than half the current tech industry average of 13%) while maintaining 10% growth per year over the last two decades.

“We’ll do better work if we can bring all of ourselves to work and see each other in our fullness.”  – Xiomara Padamsee

Similarly, Xiomara Padamsee founded Promise54, a talent solutions nonprofit, after years as a consultant “navigating a world that can be sharply competitive, where we were stepping on each other to get ahead.” Padamsee says she assimilated and left parts of herself behind in order to be valued. She watched other colleagues of color do the same. 
At Promise54, people practice what they call “radical humanity,” which puts trusting and authentic relationships above all else. “We’re complex beings with big lives,” she says. “We’ll do better work if we can bring all of ourselves to work and see each other in our fullness.”  
“We’re bringing our whole selves to work whether we like it or not, so we may as well talk about that,” says Banks Benitez, CEO of Uncharted, a social impact accelerator in Denver. Joe Santini, a program manager at Uncharted, remembers Benitez crying tears of joy after a successful accelerator summit that Santini, then an intern, had helped prepare. “I was like, my work from the last three months has amounted to something really special. And also, my male CEO is comfortably crying and being vulnerable in front of 50 people. That was a powerful moment for me.” 
Uncharted and like-minded companies are part of a movement working to change the unhealthy parts of today’s organizational culture, says Bart Houlahan, co-founder of B Lab, which supports those using business as a force for good and shared prosperity. “If we think about the business paradigm for the last hundred years, the objective has been to maximize the return to shareholders or the creation of private wealth.” Houlahan notes that more and more organizations are choosing to create cultures in which goals include not just profit or product, but valuing and supporting people as well.
These companies recognize that their stakeholders include more than owners or investors; they include employees, customers, suppliers and the communities they work in. This shift is recognized in their legal status, too: many are classified as B Corps, which stands for “benefit” corporations. Houlahan’s B Lab helps organizations move to a business paradigm that treats all stakeholders with care and respect. 
But it’s not just business culture that needs reform, argues Brooks; it is the culture underpinning all of American society – a culture that prioritizes individualism more than meaningful relationships and community. A survey of 10,000 people done last year by the health insurer Cigna found that three in five Americans report feeling lonely. Those who said they didn’t have good coworker relationships or a satisfactory work/life balance had significantly lower scores on a standard loneliness index.
Brooks created Weave: The Social Fabric Project at the Aspen Institute in 2018 to highlight and support people across the country who are quietly rebelling against this culture of hyper-individualism. These Americans are prioritizing connections and mutual support whether it be at work, at home, with friends or in their neighborhoods.
“No wonder our society is fragmenting,” Brooks writes. “We’ve taken the lies of hyper-individualism and we’ve made them the unspoken assumptions that govern how we live. We talk a lot about the political revolution we need. The cultural revolution is more important.”
Before joining Dayspring, Amy Mar worked as a secretary at a doctor’s office. “Routinely, if he made a mistake, he would get on the phone and talk about the fact that his secretary had made some mistake and throw me under the bus.” But atDayspring, Mar says, “People practice what it is they say they want to be about.  I’m proud of the fact that I work for people I can trust.”


This article was created by Weave: The Social Fabric Project of the Aspen Institute. Weave supports people who live in a way that puts relationships and community first. These “Weavers” lead with love and defy a culture of hyper-individualism that has left Americans feeling more lonely, distrustful and divided than ever. See their stories and learn more here.

He’s Supporting Immigrant Wheelchair Users to Become Empowered Leaders

Growing up in Mexico, Pancho learned to see his identity woven with that of his community. He found his own dignity depended on seeing the dignity in others. 
He helped communities in Mexico and Nicaragua tap their strengths to improve the lives of everyone there — work that required years of building trust. When he followed his American girlfriend, now wife, to the United States, he had to start over. 
In Houston, Pancho met immigrants with spinal injuries who were denied county medical support for wheelchairs and health supplies, so he became part of the Living Hope Wheelchair Association. Pancho says he doesn’t serve; he accompanies the members as they move from needing help, to living independent lives, to becoming valued community leaders.


This article was created by Weave: The Social Fabric Project of the Aspen Institute. Weave supports people who live in a way that puts relationships and community first. These “Weavers” lead with love and defy a culture of hyper-individualism that has left Americans feeling more lonely, distrustful and divided than ever. See their stories and learn more here.

This Young Woman Is Helping Struggling Teens by Truly Seeing Them and Caring

At age 5, Claudia emigrated with her family from Chile to the United States, but the experience was hardly the American Dream. She lost her sister to a drug overdose and experienced PTSD from living with domestic violence. But instead of these experiences breaking her, they broke her open and helped her create a better life.
She knew she was not the only one living with trauma in her Newark, New Jersey school. So after college, she returned to help others overcome their challenges and succeed in school. She started Future Leaders Accomplishing Intellectual Readiness (FLAIRNow) to break down the walls faced by students of different backgrounds and give them the skills to start a career. 
She learned to accept the bad in the world and still see the good. Every day, she says, her students teach her how to keep turning the bad into good. 


This article was created by Weave: The Social Fabric Project of the Aspen Institute. Weave supports people who live in a way that puts relationships and community first. These “Weavers” lead with love and defy a culture of hyper-individualism that has left Americans feeling more lonely, distrustful and divided than ever. See their stories and learn more here.

The New Orleans Cafe Feeding Souls With More Than Food

Katherine Hutton always believed food expressed love, but never imagined her cooking would draw her New Orleans neighborhood together.
What started as a way for her to make ends meet, Open Hands Cafe is now a source of inspiration and love for all those who walk in its doors. Serving up more than just delicious comfort food, Katherine uses her tiny cafe to introduce young people to entrepreneurship and create a caring space for those who need it.
While her journey through homelessness, hurricanes and hardship has been bittersweet, Katherine takes pride in knowing that everyone feels “loved on” at Open Hands Cafe.


This article was created by Weave: The Social Fabric Project of the Aspen Institute. Weave supports people who live in a way that puts relationships and community first. These “Weavers” lead with love and defy a culture of hyper-individualism that has left Americans feeling more lonely, distrustful and divided than ever. See their stories and learn more here.

A Letter From the Editor

To our loyal readers and viewers:
Thank you for choosing to spend another year with NationSwell. We’ve arrived together in 2020 at a time when so many Americans feel we must build the groundwork for a better, brighter future for the collective whole. But before it became shorthand for a referendum on the state of our nation, 2020 was a number associated with clarity of vision — and, of course, the type of clarity that only comes from hindsight.
But what if we could be as clear-eyed about the road ahead of us as we’ve been about the road we walked to get here?
I arrived at that clarity completely by accident: Someone I love asked me to pick and share the one big issue that keeps me at night. I couldn’t do it; I couldn’t pick just one. I punted on it till later. In trying to narrow it down, I asked others. They couldn’t pick just one, either.
It’s not an uncommon question around election years. Politicians, reporters and pollsters use it to take the pulse of average Americans. The answers have been roughly the same over the course of the last few cycles.
But maybe the reason I and so many others I spoke to couldn’t answer is because there’s actually a better question: Instead of asking what keeps people up at night, what if we asked Americans what wakes them up in the morning? What gets you out of bed, ready to meet your day? What fills you with a sense of purpose, and then moves you into action?
When you ask that question, people answer. It’s their families, their friends, the one cause to which they’ve devoted their professional life, the charities for which they fundraise, the protests and marches they attend on nights and weekends. The answers are different, but more often than not, there’s an answer.    
Their answers bring the future into focus for me. I don’t believe that good simply happens without us, but I see people taking action on creating that good, and I’m filled with hope.    
NationSwell will aspire to be a key part of that clarity and hope for you. Our team has always committed itself to finding the stories of people in this country rolling up their sleeves and getting to work on solving the problems in their own backyards. For the first half of this year, we’re going to keep a laser focus on telling the stories of how our nation’s leaders in social impact have committed their professional and personal lives to putting purpose into action. 
If you’re like them and you want to start leading and living by seeing your purpose in action, we’ll give you the tools and inspiration you need to get started and keep building.
With deep gratitude,
Anthony B. Smith
Vice President, Published Content & Growth
NationSwell 

One Man’s Mission to Help Others Grow Through Grief

Bruce is no stranger to grief. He lost his father to a work accident, then his son, a Marine, died in a motorcycle accident one day after re-entering civilian life. Bruce sank into a depression, cutting himself off from everyone and everything.
He saw counselors and read self-help books, and finally drove to a church more than an hour away to attend a GriefShare program he had read about. Talking with others who had also lost loved ones made him feel a little better — or, at least, a little less alone. 
As Bruce continued to heal, he wanted to give that peace to others. He started a GriefShare program in his church. He believes everyone’s pain is easier to bear when they can also share hope and comfort.


This article was created by Weave: The Social Fabric Project of the Aspen Institute. Weave supports people who live in a way that puts relationships and community first. These “Weavers” lead with love and defy a culture of hyper-individualism that has left Americans feeling more lonely, distrustful and divided than ever. See their stories and learn more here.

David Brooks Wants to Weave Connection Into the American Fabric

NationSwell: David, you’ve spent most of your life as a journalist, author and columnist holding a mirror to society. What made you decide to join the Aspen Institute and lead a project aimed at shifting American culture?
David Brooks: It’s clear that we have a crisis of connection in this country. I do a lot of reporting across the country and see firsthand the loneliness and division. So many people feel unseen and misunderstood. Black people feel that white people don’t understand their daily experience. Democrats and Republicans glare at each other in angry incomprehension. There are teenagers across the country who feel that no one knows them well. There are seniors wondering what happened to the warm bonds they remember from the old days in their neighborhoods. Our national problems are really relational problems. I realized that the solution wouldn’t come from Washington, DC. It had to happen in our neighborhoods.
Q: How do we solve this crisis of disconnection? How do we make people care about each other?
Brooks: It’s already being solved. It’s being solved by people in neighborhoods everywhere. I will go into a town and ask, “Who is trusted here?” Immediately people start reeling off names of folks who are really good at building community and deepening relationships. Sometimes the people they mention work at a suicide hotline or a mentoring program. Sometimes they run a coffee shop where everybody feels at home. Sometimes they are just the person on the block who invites everybody over for barbecue. Sometimes it’s a young woman in high school who sees someone alone and sits down to talk.
Q: So, for you, are these people “Weavers” of their communities?
Brooks: Yes, they are all Weavers. And they are all very different and yet they are the same in one way. Whatever they do, they lead with love. They create countercultural islands, where love and community are more important than ego and self. The problem is that so far, it’s just islands. So many places and people are left out. Our project began as a way to learn from the Weavers and spread their way of living. Relationships happen one on one. They don’t scale. But social norms do scale. Our goal is to spread this way of living, these social norms that value relationships and community over striving just for yourself. The job is not just to heal division. It’s to find a better way of being.
Q: How do you do that?
Brooks: Our Weave Project does three things. First, we find Weavers and tell their stories to illuminate their values. Being around Weavers has inspired me to change how I live, to be more emotionally open, to live more as an active member of my communities. We use video, narratives and public appearances to bring the Weaver stories to millions of people, so they, too, will be inspired to live a little more in the Weaver way. Culture changes when a small group of people find a better way to live and the rest of us copy them.
Second, we bring Weavers together, online and through in-person gatherings. We’ve learned that Weavers crave each other’s company. They want to know, “I’m not alone.” They want to meet other Weavers to laugh together, share each other’s burdens and learn from each other’s wisdom.
Third, we spread Weaver skills. Building good relationships is hard. How do I talk to someone with depression? How do I help people heal from trauma? How do I organize a community gathering and keep people engaged? How do I weave across racial or ideological lines? We want to spread the wisdom that’s already out there in the community.
Q: What makes Weave unique? How is your project different from other groups that support community development and neighborhood organizations?
Brooks: Wonderful organizations are doing important work in their communities. Their services are crucial to supporting people, but their work alone will not create the kind of society we dream of. Look back on the 1970s and 1980s and 1990s and 2000s. In those decades, there were foundations that spent hundreds of billions of dollars to build community and expand social mobility. There were millions of volunteers who dedicated hundreds of millions of hours to this work.
They did good work and helped many people. But the fundamental trends did not change. Social mobility declined. Social trust declined. Polarization got worse. All that work didn’t bend the curves.

They didn’t bend the curves because they focused on creating and scaling good programs. The vast majority of Americans are not in programs. Most of the care in society is informal — friends, neighbors, relatives, teachers and parents.
If you really want to change society, you have to work to change the rest of us. You have to change the culture. You have to change the norms – what people think is the normal way to be a neighbor and citizen, the way a good person behaves. If you’re not doing culture change, you’re not going to bend the curve and make fundamental change.
Weave’s hope is to be one of many organizations that shift people’s perception of how they want to show up in the world. What kind of person do I want to be? How can I live a more connected life, where I deeply see others and where I am deeply seen? How can I lead with love? Culture change is vital.
Q: In today’s society is cultural change on that scale really possible? Aren’t we too steeped in values and a pace of life determined by technology, social media and the pursuit of money and fame?
Brooks: Culture change has happened before and it’s happening now. Back in the 1890s, America was coming apart at the seams just like now. But the Settlement House movement, the Social Gospel movement and the Progressive movement shifted culture and norms and produced 60 years of greater cohesion.
By the 1960s, people found those communities stifling, so they created a counter-culture that emphasized individualism, freedom from restraint, liberation. Think of all the old rock anthems: Free Bird, Rambling Man, Born to Run. They shifted culture again. Today, individualism has gone too far. People acknowledge that. Now the tide is turning again. People from every walk of life, every ideology are talking about connection, relationship, interdependence. Cultural change is already happening. People want to come together, to form new kinds of community. Weave is highlighting those who are on the leading edge of this new way of life.
Weaving is not some complicated legislative agenda. It’s us creating connections that make our hearts glow and souls shine. It’s us spreading that kind of love and care to the people around us, who may be lonely, stressed, or marginalized. It’s us creating a culture where that seems normal, a culture in which it’s easier to be good.
I was in Waco, Texas recently having breakfast at a diner with Mrs. Dorsey. She’s a formidable African-American woman in her nineties who was a school principal for many decades. I was a little intimidated by her. “I loved my students enough to be disciplined,” she told me, firmly.
As we were having breakfast, a friend of hers named Jimmy Dorrell, a white guy in his sixties, came in and grabbed her by the shoulders and beamed into her eyes and said, “Mrs. Dorsey! You’re the best! I love you!” Her face lit up like a thousand suns. They were just there in that moment together, two friends who were making their town a better place.
I remember thinking, I want to be able to do that. I want to be so emotionally open and so caring toward people that I can make heart-to-heart connections with a friend even when I’m just walking into a diner. I want to be so deeply connected and so gift-giving that I radiate joy, the way Jimmy Dorrell does, the way the Weavers do.


This article was published in partnership with Weave: The Social Fabric Project of the Aspen Institute. Weave supports people who live in a way that puts relationships and community first. These “Weavers” lead with love and defy a culture of hyper-individualism that has left Americans feeling more lonely, distrustful and divided than ever. See their stories and learn more here.