What We Can Learn From Our Veterans

As more and more service members take the long and winding trip home, America is bracing for their return. But beyond the stories of struggling with adjusting to civilian life is a group of men and women who are returning to make amazing contributions including volunteering, feeding the homeless and building playgrounds.
But rather than recognizing these accounts along with those of vets who suffer from mental illness or post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), most of these stories go unheard.
That’s because fewer than 1 percent of Americans have participated in the wars on Iraq and Afghanistan (only about 5 percent if family members are included) — a stark contrast to previous generations who had direct connections to military life.
But a new book from Howard Schultz, chairman and chief executive of Starbucks Coffee, and Washington Post correspondent Rajiv Chandrasekaran is seeking to change that disconnect and help weave our veterans back into the American narrative. “For Love of Country: What Our Veterans Can Teach Us About Citizenship, Heroism, and Sacrifice” details numerous accounts of life on the warfront and how the valor and bravery of our service members transcends back home.
“In 1946, if your neighbor was watering the street at night because he was kind of crazy from shell shock, you knew that everyone coming back wasn’t crazy because your brother or son or husband had served and was successfully transitioning,” Chandrasekaran tells the New York Times. “We don’t have that common understanding anymore. So if someone goes and shoots up Fort Hood, there are all those people who think all vets are a bunch of killers-to-be. And that’s not the case. So the aperture needs to widen.”
While politicians and media continue to focus on vets who struggle with life back home, Schulz and Chandrasekaran aim to illuminate accounts — even those who suffer from trauma or injury — of service members who have made huge contributions to or continue to thrive in business, education, community service and government.
“We want the legacy of this generation of veterans to be serving with courage when the country called on them to serve overseas and then, when they came back, making the country stronger through continued service here at home,” says Eric Greitens, a former Navy SEAL and Rhodes scholar.
In 2007, Greitens formed Mission Continues, a nonprofit that connects about two dozen teams of veterans with community service across the United States. The group works with nonprofits and offers veterans fellowships to volunteer for six months while providing a food and rent stipend. More than 1,000 fellows had volunteered at 600 various groups by mid-2014, according to the Washington Post
Of course, there are plenty who still struggle with the transition, and it is our responsibility to ensure they’re welcomed back with respect. The Office of Veterans Affairs estimates that around 11 to 20 percent of more than 2.4 million post-9/11 veterans suffer from PTSD, and while more companies are pledging to increase the number of veteran hires, it’s important to diminish the bias that all vets are damaged, and that those who are, are not worthy. More than anything, it is these men and women that can teach us about leadership and valor.

“It is I who should be learning from you,” Schultz told a group of West Point cadets while speaking about leadership in 2011 . “You are the true leaders.”

It’s a lesson we should all remember.

MORE: The Military-Civilian Divide Doesn’t Have to Be as Wide as It Currently Is

 

6 Things You Need to Know About This Year’s Medal of Honor Recipient

This afternoon, President Barack Obama presented the 2014 Medal of Honor to former Army Sergeant Kyle J. White, 27, for his courageous actions while serving in Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan. Here are six other facts about the military hero that are sure to inspire you:
1. White received the highest military honor for his heroism while serving as a Platoon Radio Telephone Operator assigned to C Company, 2nd Battalion (Airborne), 503rd Infantry Regiment, 173rd Airborne Brigade, during combat operations against an armed enemy in Nuristan Province, Afghanistan on November 9, 2007. The Sergeant and his team of 14 were ambushed when trying to meet with village elders. Though White was knocked unconscious during the fire fight, he eventually awoke and ran through gunfire to protect his fellow soldiers, and saved a fellow unit member’s life. According to Army reports, White would only allow himself to be evacuated after fellow wounded soldiers were helped first.
2. He’s the 7th living recipient of the honor for combat actions in Afghanistan or Iraq. More than 3,400 Medals of Honor have been given to service members since it was first authorized in 1861.
3. His military career began in Georgia, where he went through basic and advanced individual training, and U.S. Army Airborne School consecutively, at Fort Benning, Ga. White was then assigned to the 2-503rd, at Camp Ederle, Italy, from 2006 to 2008 and deployed to Aranas, Afghanistan in spring 2007. He was assigned to the 4th Ranger Training Battalion, at Fort Benning, from 2008 to 2010, before departing active-duty Army in May 2011.
4. White is a Seattle native who now lives in Charlotte, where he received a B.S. in business administration from the the University of North Carolina at Charlotte. He currently works for the Royal Bank of Canada as an investment analyst.
5. White was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder following that fatal incident in Afghanistan. He received professional help and has become a vocal advocate of receiving mental health assistance to fellow warriors.
6. He’s a big believer in education, especially for returning servicemembers. “I really want to…help educate servicemembers that are thinking about leaving the service and going back into the civilian world…about the post-9/11 G.I. Bill and the importance of an education and really, you know, how necessary it is for certain jobs out there,” White told Stars and Stripes.
MORE: When Vets Come Home: 5 Things You Should Say and 5 You Shouldn’t

When Vets Come Home: 5 Things You Should Say (and 5 Things You Shouldn’t)

If you’ve ever stopped or stuttered midsentence when talking to a vet recently home from war, you wouldn’t be alone. Not knowing what to say to returning soldiers is a common struggle says Mike Liguori, a former Marine who served during the Iraq War and is now director of community at Unite US, an online platform that connects current and former military members and their families.
Well-intentioned friends and family members may say something that actually increases stress or negative emotions: Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, affects up to 20 percent of veterans of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs. With no official blueprint on how best to help military members ease back into civilian life, we surveyed a range of vets and experts to tell us what’s helpful — or hurtful — for vets to hear from loved ones.
MORE: Bravery After Battle—How This Navy SEAL Uses His War Wounds to Help Fellow Soldiers
 

What Not to Say

 

1. Don’t ask if they’ve killed anyone.

“It’s a frighteningly difficult question to answer for a lot of reasons,” says Army veteran Nate Rawlings, 32, who served two tours in Iraq. “It perpetuates a stereotype that all combat is shooting at bad guys and blowing things up. The truth is that combat involves long periods of boredom, anxiety and anticipation, punctuated by bursts of action many people would rather not discuss with family and friends, let alone strangers. Most veterans, at least for me, and most of the ones I know and have talked to, aren’t prepared to answer that question when they come home. Give them a pass — if they want to tell you, they might do so, in their own good time.”

2. Don’t tread too gently around vets because you assume everyone has experienced trauma.

“There’s no need to coddle vets,” says Amber Barno, a former OH-58D Kiowa Warrior helicopter pilot who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan. “There’s this stigma that people need to watch what they say, and frankly, veterans get annoyed at over concern. Veterans come out with priceless skill sets, as well as experience — ask about that experience, what it was like to serve their country.”
Daniel Gade, 39, an active lieutenant colonel in the Army and a professor at the United States Military Academy, West Point, says it’s important not to assume that all returning service members have PTSD or emotional problems just because they’ve served, even if they’ve served in direct fire combat. “One of the problems in society is our mentality of extremes — that veterans are maimed and need to be treated with kid gloves or that they’re all heroes,” he says. “Most of them are neither heroes nor victims, so treating them as normal human beings would be very useful.”

3. Don’t ask them to put difficult experiences behind them.

Being impatient is never helpful, warns Edna Foa, a clinical psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania. “Don’t say things like, ‘Well, you’re back here. Iraq or Afghanistan is behind you — there are no dangers here, so put that all behind you,’” she says. If the returning soldier has PTSD, it’s a disorder. “It’s not up to a patient’s will to get over it.”

4. Don’t snap — even if they snap.

“Don’t take things personally if they don’t want to talk about something,” says William Hansen, 46, who has served as a truck commander and squad leader in Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Egypt with the Army. “It’s not about you, or your relationship. It takes five to six months for a person back from combat to get their bearings about them. So act natural toward them, act human. Many vets are struggling with what to say, and a lot of times they’ll say the wrong things at the wrong time. If you snap, they’ll stop talking — and stop reaching out.”

5. Don’t describe their experience for them.

“Avoid judgmental comments, like, ‘What you had to do was awful,’” says Capt. Wanda Finch, a division chief and program manager at the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury. Finch is also a representative for the Real Warriors Campaign, a multimedia public awareness effort designed to encourage help-seeking behavior among service members, veterans and their families. “You might think it’s sympathetic, but we want to stay away from taglines like, ‘War is hell,’ or other clichés.”

What to Say

 

1. Ask before throwing a welcome-home party.

“When they’re ready, or even before they return, ask how they would feel about a small, welcome-home gathering of close friends,” says Jamie Lynn De Coster, 31, who deployed to the Arabian Gulf, South China Sea, Iraq and Afghanistan, among other places, with the U.S. Navy. “Family and friends often want to gather around the returning service member, celebrate their return and just want to be near them. But the truth is, we don’t want the Budweiser parade. Look at the soldier’s face in that commercial — my veteran friends and I interpreted that not as happy surprise, but as being totally overwhelmed.”

2. Give updates on fellow troops from a vet’s unit.

“Keep in mind that the majority of a veteran’s unit is still going to be in combat if he gets injured and sent home,” says Michael Schlitz, 37, a Purple Heart recipient who lost both hands and the vision in his left eye when a propane tank exploded during a road-clearing mission in southern Baghdad in 2007. The Army veteran spent six months in the intensive care unit and an additional four months in the burn ward while recovering from his injuries. “Vets are going to want to hear how their guys are doing. They still wish they could be with them. But because they’re not there, they’re going to want to make sure people are watching their backs, that they’re getting what they need.”

3. Dole out the tough love when necessary.

“If you happen to reach a point where a guy is laying in bed, seven days a week, not doing anything, someone’s got to step in, slap him upside the head and say, ‘You’re still alive, you go forward and live for the people who don’t have that opportunity,’” says Tommy Clack, 67, a triple amputee and Vietnam War veteran.

4. Ask detailed questions relating to that individual.

“I don’t like when people ask, ‘What was it like?’ as if there’s a single answer that one individual could give that would cover the experience of everyone,” says David Eisler, 29, an Iraq and Afghanistan veteran. “It’s not meant as a stupid question, but it feels like quite the burden to answer for every single vet, especially if you’re being approached by a stranger. Start with more general questions — what did you do? when did you serve? — when talking to veterans you don’t already know.”

5. Go beyond saying, “Thank you for your service.”

“I’ve heard some veterans don’t like when civilians tell them, ‘Thank you for your service,’” says Liguori of Unite US. “It’s not offensive to them, but it creates a barrier, like civilians can just say thank you and it’s enough. Many vets are leaving the service and coming home from overseas struggling with unemployment or just not knowing what they want to do after the uniform. It’s hard for a guy who shot a machine gun for 15 months to come back home and see how shooting a machine gun applies to digital marketing. Veterans are finding it challenging to really transition to civilian life. They would rather hear, ‘Thank you for your service. How can I help you?’ since that second part gives civilians a way to find out how they can help.”
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